My liver just broke up with me...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
