Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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