he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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