I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
