She just used a chaser for red wine.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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