I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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