I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
im on a boat
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