Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
