i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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