It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
God, I missed his penis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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