yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
