Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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