Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
