He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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