i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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