I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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