Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
