The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
