i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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