My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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