it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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