three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
