The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
