He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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