is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
