My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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