Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
