The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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