apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
