so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
