I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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