We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
