if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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