make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
