i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
