Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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