i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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