The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
