As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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