His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
