i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just gargled with NyQuil
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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