after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
