there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
