Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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