He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
