I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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