I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
