oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you had me at cake vodka
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That accounts for only three of the penises
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
