I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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