Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
