I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
