After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
