how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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